I'm so sick of being disappointed by you. Yeah, maybe I've put you on a pedestal but that's only because you told me you could handle it - you said you held yourself to a higher standard. Well it's a standard that you are no longer meeting. Disappointment creates fatigue and fatigue is ruinous to a friendship.
Nights like these enervate me; I lose interest in everything. I just want to close my eyes, fall into a deep slumber, and wake up to find it's all been a bad dream. But I know that can't happen, it's all too real - the tears are too real, the chagrin too real, the heartache much too real. I guess that's what this all boils down to. I expected too much of you. I wanted you to be my superman, my knight in shining armor and you've fallen flat. You're nothing that I wanted you to be. No, that's not true. You are so close to being everything that I wanted, and that's worse; to have all that you've been dreaming of right at your fingertips only to find that it's just too far to grab. Maybe it's all been an illusion - I created you into what I wanted you to be but now the glass of my perfect picture has shattered. And I'm left holding the shards, lamenting that my fairy tale couldn't be true.
I feel like I've been such a good friend to you. I've invested so much time and effort and emotion, but you're not holding up your end of the deal. I want to mean as much to you as you mean to me. But the fact of the matter is, the only people I should make a priority in my life are the ones who make me a priority in theirs. I need you to prove that I matter to you. I need you to show me that this friendship means something to you. I need you to make that effort. One of my favorite Bible verses is 1 John 3:18: "Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth." Words are no longer enough. I need action.
I want you to be my good friend but until you start acting like one, I no longer consider you as such.
You've let me down, and I am weary.
i have tried with various poems and long rambling essays to capture the truth and concise clarity you have portrayed in the post. I relate to this so well it actually helps to read it over again. This is a very impressive piece and, even tho im quite biased, stands out as one of the best you have written.
ReplyDeletesecond time reading it through.
ReplyDeletebravo
I'm not sure how I feel about it needing to be read twice, but I'm glad that you enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteour diction must be kept under keen watch in this case to avoid confusion. For my tone of voice needs to be employed to fully understand my sentiments if brevity is an issue. my comments do not hint at a "need" for understanding but rather a need to read it again because of a strong desire to do so. In other words, i desire to read it again so strongly that i have chosen to express that desire as a necessity. i hope this comment has cleared up the confusion as to what my words were referring. ...smile
ReplyDeleteThank you, kind sir, for clearing up the misunderstanding. I am glad that my rather self-indulgent post resonated with you so strongly.
ReplyDelete