Dear _____,
In lieu of an angry speech that would probably be the best I would ever regret, I have decided to write you a letter. I pray it will effectively communicate all that I wish to say to you and, perhaps more importantly, the feeling behind the words. Know that these words, while written with a tumultuous state of mind, are not products of the heat of the moment; I have spent many a day mulling over my thoughts and feeling to make sure that the message I send you is one of truth to the way I feel.
I am disappointed. I had sincerely hoped this Christmas break would give us a chance to reconnect and recharge our friendship. Neither has happened. I will be the first to say that some of the blame lies with me; I was not diligent in contacting you or even in letting you know of my wishes. But, as I'm sure you know, communication is a two-way street and you, too, were hardly in contact with me. However, where the blame lies is beside the point. The fact of the matter is that Christmas break is now over, you and I saw each other but once, and our friendship is on more uncertain ground than ever before.
The issue at hand is not that we spent so little time together this break, though it is a tragedy. No, the problem is one that has been gathering momentum since our last summer before we became college students: We take each other for granted. I know there are other issues but this is the one most glaring to me. Last summer you were angry with me because you felt that I was spending all my time with ______ and no longer cared for you. Over Thanksgiving, I expressed my frustration with you for not being more diligent in talking to me. In both situations, the other was completely unaware of how they were making the first feel. We simply were not keeping track of how our actions were affecting each other. Had I seen you over New Year's, that would have been my wise lesson for the year.; it is imperative to be aware of the consequences of your actions, especially how said actions affect those around you.
One of my favorite Bible verses is 1 John 3:18. It says, "Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth." It serves as a good reminder to me that many times, words simply aren't enough when dealing with things like love, loyalty and trust. Words aren't enough anymore, ______. I cannot continue to cling to old promises in hopes that they will one day be fulfilled. I need you to prove to me that this friendship matters to you, no by saying anything but by doing something. For this to work when we are so far away from each other, we are both going to have to maintain it. I feel that I have done so (please correct me if I'm wrong) but that you, unfortunately, are lacking. If you feel, as I do, that this friendship is worth fighting for, you must put in more effort.
I am not saying any of this because I wish to end our friendship or to say that I think you are a bad person. On the contrary, I want quite badly to be your friend. Much more so, in fact, that I think you wish to be mine. It is with that motivation I say what follows: I want you to be my good friend but until you start acting like one, I no longer consider you as such.
Again, please do not take this as a resignation - I have yet to throw in the towel. You mean too much to me; meeting you turned my world around and I know that God has much more in store for our friendship. I am merely stating that I am weary. I have invested so much in this friendship - my time, my energy, my emotions, my heart - and right now, I do not feel like my investment is being returned. For the time being, have ceased to invest. And I will not begin again until I see you investing in me. I give the reigns to you now to do with what you will.
I pray that you are well and that this letter meets with no misunderstanding.
Most sincerely,
Your friend,
clear, concise and sincere. A man couldnt ask for more. This is an interesting letter though because it is dangerous. Change is almost always dangerous. This letter pushes the issue to the point of catalytic movement. While i appreciate and approve of the letter(approval needed? smile) I do fear for the result of such a bold statement. Although it is a necessary step, are you ready for him to withdraw?
ReplyDeleteWell that's just the thing - it is necessary. While I may not want it to end badly, I have to be prepared to deal with the consequences of my actions. My conscience is now clear from any blame associated with not trying hard enough and that is satisfying. I can only pray it will open his eyes to how I've been affected by everything. It's out of my hands now.
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