At least I look pretty when I cry. That's what I thought as I looked into the mirror once I'd gained enough energy to pull myself off the bed. The redness around my eyes makes the blue stand out even more strongly. And the expression on my face - it's vulnerable but like I've given up, too. Giving up. There's something sexy about finally just letting go.
I'd never meant to fall in love with him. In fact, I didn't even know I had until I'd already been in love for some time. It was like my love for him had always been there, hanging out in the background. Until one day it just decided to jump out from the side and tackle me. It hit me like a truck. And that's when I started crying. The floodgates opened because when you're hit with that many memories and that much emotion, you have to let it out somehow. So the tears fell. And fell. And fell until all the water was used up and I just lay there sobbing, my eyes bloodshot and dry.
I don't want to love him, I don't even want to think about him. But that doesn't stop my foolish heart from obeying itself.
I love him. So love him.
But I don't want to. You don't have to want to. Just love him in your own confused, convoluted way. And then let it go.
I would say, it's never wrong to fall in love with people. Fall in love with anyone that possibly can. Love doesnt have to mean you end up spending the rest of your life with him, it's so much more full of self sacrifice than that. As am sure you already know...just trying to pep talk ya. excellent piece, with excellent style.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your pep talks. Keep 'em coming! :) You have a really good point about loving as many people as you can. It's just hard when those lines get blurred between the worlds of platonic love and romantic love.
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you.