A New Look On Love

I'll be the first to admit that I'm a hopeless romantic. Pride and Prejudice is my favorite movie (and one of my favorite books), my idea of a perfect date consists of a poetry reading by the fireside and an elegant dinner, I love art, poetry, and music (most of which are inspired by, if not about, love), and I have been on a search for "The One" since I was 5. Disney princess movies still make me teary-eyed and I eat up any romantic-comedy books and movies I come across not matter how excellent or mediocre they may be.

But have all these movies and books, poems and songs, distorted our idea of what love truly is? How much do we lose from the true meaning of love when our definition is limited to that feeling you experience when you first fall for someone?

Perhaps first it would be beneficial to differentiate between "love" and being "in love". Being in love with someone suggests a romantic attachment whereas loving is used more freely – for relatives, friends, even things. This is the most basic difference between the two but it is worth noting; many people forget that they are two very separate things that do, at times, go hand-in-hand.

Most of the time, these two manifestations of love coincide quite harmoniously. Where the problem lies is in romantic relationships. In our relationships, we expect to always experience the warm, fuzzy feelings you have when you first fall in love, the emotion fed to us by Hollywood and literature. And for a time this will be the case – many refer to this as the “honeymoon stage” of a relationship. Inevitably, however, the newness of the relationship will wear off and the butterflies will disappear. This makes room for a deeper, more passionate love to grow. The trouble that arises then, when the lovers discover that they no longer feel the typical feelings of being in love and conclude that they no longer love their significant other at all. Or, perhaps, they get the warm fuzzies for another and decide that this must mean they do not really love their lover.

What they do not understand is that the love they have for their significant other has taken on a form that they do not recognize, but it is still very much present. The loss of the giddiness of new love is not a sign of the lack of love but of the growth and progression of it.

It is true that sometimes people fall out of love with each other. That is a fact of life that is as inexplicable and heartbreaking as it was at the beginning of time. However, if people could understand that love is about so much more than the initial falling in love, I believe that we would see many more successful relationships than we do now. Popular culture has greatly underrepresented this truth and it’s hurting us far more than we know.