Ask anyone and they'll tell you that fairy tales, especially the ones with princes riding in to save the day, give you unrealistic expectations about love. But I don't think so. I'm pretty sure we're just not getting the right message.
What first pops into your mind when you think about fairy tales? Happy endings? True love? Good triumphing over evil? These are all prevalent in a standard fairy tale and the problem is that we focus too much on these messages. And it's very easy to point to the world and say, "No, that doesn't match." Because, unfortunately, in life, the bad guys win quite often. Relationships end in heartbreak, marriages are torn apart by divorce and life is awfully sad. So the cynics, who frequently masquerade as realists, point to all of this and decry fairy tales as horrible. Or, at least, as being useless children's stories.
Here's the thing - there are lots of things about fairy tales that should be dismissed. Like talking animals, hair long and strong enough to be a ladder up a tower and a shoe that only fits one girl in an entire kingdom. But there are plenty of things that can teach us valuable lessons about life.
Rapunzel had been warned about the dangers of the outside world and could have easily stayed in her tower her whole life. But she yearned for more and decided the risks were worth taking the chance. She got her family back and love thrown in for a bonus. Cinderella went from being a favorite child to the household maid. But she did her work and, though it was menial and tiresome, she never let it beat her down. She kept dreaming. Belle was ridiculed for being different from the rest of her town and most people gave her attention simply because she was beautiful. But she was modest and poured herself into reading rather than feeling down on her situation. When her father was in danger, she sacrificed herself to save him, even though it meant a life of bondage. While I doubt that they lived through these hardships without so much as a complaint, I think it's important to note that they all chose to rise above their situations. They made efforts to make their lives better (by painting, making friends with animals, reading, etc.) and when their life-altering opportunities arose, they took them. Rapunzel escaped from her tower, Cinderella got herself to the ball, Belle made the best of an undesirable life.
But it's the princes to whom I think we should pay the most attention. Though it may be obvious from our third-party-objective-observer standpoint, I don't think any of our heroines thought much of their heroes initially. Rapunzel just needed someone to protect her on her quest, Cinderella just wanted to go to a party and Belle despised the Beast when she first met him. The men themselves didn't think very highly of their own situations. Flynn Rider finds himself roped into babysitting Rapunzel when all he wanted was a clean getaway with his treasure. Prince Charming is fed up with his father's attempts to marry him off and is dreading the coming ball where he will be forced to choose a wife from among the attendees. The Beast wants nothing more than to find the girl who can break the spell that he is under but struggles to set aside his own pride and anger in order to do so. Again though, these men rise above their situations. Flynn does everything he can to make Rapunzel's dream come true. He even goes so far as to give up his treasure to protect her from the goons who are following him. Prince Charming takes the one clue he has, a glass slipper, and searches the entire kingdom to find the foot to which that shoe belongs. And the Beast learns to control his anger and does what he can to make Belle's life pleasant by giving her the library and, when it comes to it, sets her free though it means (he thinks) that he has lost his chance to break the spell.
Now imagine what would have happened if these men had been less charming, or our heroines less brave. What if Rapunzel had never left her tower, or if Flynn had deserted her halfway through her quest? What if Cinderella spent all night dancing with someone else, someone equally handsome but with much less good of a heart? What if Prince Charming had given up on his search when he was unsuccessful the first few tries? What if Belle had decided to marry Gaston? What if the Beast had decided it was too much effort to be good to Belle?
There are too many Rapunzel's who stay in their towers and too many Flynn Rider's who never give love a chance. All too often, Cinderella picks the wrong guy to dance with and Prince Charming doesn't look hard enough, or settles for an ugly stepsister instead. Too many Belle's end up with Gastons and the Beasts of this world decide to wallow in their misery rather than takes steps to improve themselves.
I guess what I'm saying is this: get yourself to that ball (even if it's in a borrowed dress), search an entire kingdom for the foot that fits. Do whatever it takes to find your real Cinderella or Prince Charming. Because doesn't your very own Happily Ever After sound pretty good?
