Bad News

It's always sad and frustrating when you learn that someone doesn't like you. You know how it feels, there's shock and confusion - why wouldn' they like you, you're great? But then you make amends and get over it or realize that they don't matter anyway. But what about when you learn that multiple members from the group of people you're trying to be friends with think you're mean and don't like you? And that your best friend agrees that you're mean? What then? And what do you do when your best friend doesn't tell you specifically what you've done wrong, only that you're overly critical and donLt see the good in people, only their faults and mistakes? How are you supposed to better yourself if you don't know or can't see what it is that is so bad about you?

Life as a Faux College Student

CAUTION: I've written this in a 19(not quite, but almost)-cups of coffee haze, so it may be quite disjointed and jittery. Caffeine does weird things to me.

I spent the night at Grace's again last night and naturally had a great time. But the real fun (and new experiences) began with the next day. Grace and I got up and I accompanied her to her government class where we talked about third parties and their importance and effect on the electoral process. It was fairly interesting but because I am currently in the AP Gov class at West, redundant. We've already studied third parties and the professor didn't talk about anything that I didn't already know. The debate that happened was cool though.

Afterward, Grace had Speech and seemed reluctant for me to accompany her so I got a cappuccino at the Einstein Bros and went to the Women's Center to read on the couches there. Soon after Lara texted me asking if I wanted to join her in her Physics lab class. I have absolutely zero interest in Physics but I decided it was better than sitting on a couch pretending to be cool. So I headed over to join Lara. The lab that she was trying to do wasn't cooperating and it was quite entertaining to see college students struggle over their equipment. You see, the atmosphere in college classes is so very different from that of high school. The student there (most anyway) are actually interested in the class of have some motivation for completing it and thus give so much more. And college kids are so much more relaxed about everything. So it's an interesting combination. Anyway, they finally got the experiment to work and Lara and I went to have lunch at the cafeteria. Surprisingly enough, the food was quite good. Certainly not Chipotle or P.F. Chang's but much better than West, at least. Lara then showed me around some of the buildings while we waited for it to be time for her Physics lecture and I decided to join her (I would've gone back to the apartment but I had no key). We found ourselves back at Einstein Bros where I met John, the tall, blue-eyed, dimpled, biological defense major who does crossword puzzles. Um, hello. We all talked and joked for a while and connected. But then he had to leave for some intellectual class and Noha found us and came to sit. I told her that I met John and Lara proceeds to nonchalantly announce that she has a thing for him. And I was sitting there shamelessly flirting. Oops.

Before things could get awkward, we headed to lecture and Lara didn't seem phased, so I let it go. We talked throughout the entire lecture and then headed back to Einstein Bros to wait for Evan before we headed to the plaza to shop for a shirt for Noha. We caught up with him and headed to the plaza where we proceeded to look at almost every store to find the shirt Noha needed. But had no luck. Around 5 Noha and Grace left us and Evan and I headed to Classic Cup Cafe to have some food, coffee and bonding time. We talked for hours, drank WAY too much coffee, and laughed. It was very refreshing; I hadn't seen him in too long and he is my main confidante, so it felt good to be able to talk about anything and everything. But the situation with him is strange because we are clearly friends but he took me to dinner, ordered my favorite dessert (cheesecake) when I was in the "Powder Room" (that's what nice restaurants call it, apparently) and talked about our married life. We even discussed kid's names and what couples should do for each other when married. He called me Mrs. Gage at one point. What is that? Ok, done with the aside. After dinner we walked around the plaza more and browsed the Urban Outfitters but headed back to the apartment around 8 because we found that almost every store closes at 7 on weeknights.

I talked to the girls at the apartment for a while and then finally headed home at 10. What a day.

Things to take away from this:

Don't joke about getting married with girls because we actually DO plan that kind of stuff. And it WILL confuse us.

College life is exhausting.

Making friends in college is so much easier than high school. you can talk to someone for 30 minutes and be friends if you want. There's none of this, oh I have to wait two weeks before it's socially acceptable to ask them to hang out or whatever. It's instantaneous. And I LOVE IT.

Don't mindlessly drink coffee, especially at dinner. Because you will become a hot mess.

I really like UMKC.

Lines Composed at 11:00 pm

This is bad but it's my first real attempt at poetry. So try to enjoy...?

His sad green eyes
pull me in,
reminding me of bluer skies
and brighter days.

He watches me,
those eyes mesmerizing,
and I want to be
whatever he needs.

I want to hold him close,
take away his pain
and be the one he loves most
but I can't, I don't.

'Cause there she stands,
right between us,
tying his hands
behind his back.

But it's not really her,
it's the memories,
the long lost moments that deter
his recovery.

She still owns his heart
And all I can do is wish
she'd let him fall apart,
then leave him be.
He's better off without her,
He's better here with me.

Found Poems

In the spirit of The Teacher Formerly Known As Ms. H, I decided to write a found poem (two, rather) compiling all of my favorite Ingrid Michaelson songs. Here they are:

MOVING ON

I want to change the world.
Instead, I sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.

But all that I know is I'm breathing,
All I can do is keep breathing.

I woke up this morning with a funny taste in my head
Spackled some butter over my whole grain bread
Something tastes different, maybe it's my tongue
Something tastes different, suddenly I'm not so young

Have you ever thought about what protects our hearts?
Just a cage of rib bones and other various parts.
So it's fairly simple to cut right through the mess,
And to stop the muscle that makes us confess.

We are so fragile,
And our cracking bones make noise,
And we are just
Breakable girls and boys

We don't say a word
There's nothing to say that hasn't been heard.

When I would play my song
You used to sing along.
I always seem to forget
How fragile are the very strong.
I'm sorry I can't steal you,
I'm sorry you can't stay.
So I put a band-aid on my heart
And watch you fly away.

Oh what a day is today,
Nothing can stand in my way.
Now that you've shipped out from under my skin,
I think I'm ready to win.

Oh what a night is tonight
I think I'm ready to fight.
Now that my broken bones all have been healed,
I think I'm starting to feel

Something good.
Now that you're gone, I can roll on to
Something good

*****

LOVE SONG

I could write my name by the age of three
and I don't need anyone to cut my meat for me.
I'm a big girl now, see my big girl shoes?

But as strong as I seem to think I am, my distressing damsel
Comes out at night when the moon's filled up
And your eyes are bright.
Then I think I simply ought to fall overboard
So you can catch me.

But

What if we stop having a ball?
What if the paint chips from the wall?
What if there's always cups in the sink?
What if I'm not what you think I am?

What if I fall further than you?
What if you dream of somebody new?
What if I never let you win, chase you with a rolling pin?
Well, what if I do?

What it your eyes close before mine?
What if you lose yourself sometimes?
Then I'll be the one to find you.

I call you my friend
And that’s all that I do.
Why do I have to pretend
To find ways to be around you?

I think I'm losing my mind
I've been hopelessly blind to your beauty
And you have a sweet sinful smile,
I'm in trouble
’Cause you turn me upside down and around and around.

Do you feel what I feel? Well?
Do you feel this way too?
That every wound seems to heal
When I’m around you.

My feet don't touch the ground
When I'm around you.

Don't you worry there my honey,
We might not have any money
But we've got our love to pay the bills.

Oh lets get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France.
Lets get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance.
Lets get rich and build a house on a mountain making everybody look like ants
From way up there, you and I.

I will sing you morning lullabies
You are beautiful, and peaceful this way.

Close your eyes
And I will sing you
Morning lullabies.